Why

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

One Liners

Today we'll see one-liners, which nowadays are becoming popular for their shortness. (who has time to read a long joke and then smile!) Read 5 sentence and smile 5 times.


If you're too lazy to start anything, you may get a reputation for patience.

Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

The Mother

A young Indian man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that
he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them
down on the couch and they chat for a while.
He then says, "Okay Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The one on the right."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"

The Indian mother replies, "I don't like her."

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Do you know who am I

One guy was selected as a Trainee Clerk to a private company.
On his first day of work, in the afternoon he thought of ordering one coffee for himself. He called the pantry extension and said, "Please send one coffee."
The person from the other end: "What?"
Clerk: "Send me one coffee immediately."
The person from the other end: "Idiot, do you have any idea where you have dialled the number?"
Clerk, hesistating a little: "Pantry, of course."
The person from the other end fuming now said angrily: "This extension is for the managing director of the company and I am the Managing Dirctor."

After a few seconds the clerk said loudly, "And do you know who I am?"
Managing director" No..."
Clerk, "Thank God!"

and he kept the phone.

Life Before Computers

Here are some words which for us, whose work is very much related to computers, are for computers, but those were used for what purpose before the computer era.

An application was for employment.

A program was a TV show.

Keyboard was on Piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age.

Compress was what you did to garbage, Not something you did to a file.

A hard drive was a trip on the road.

Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.

And a virus was the flu!

Value of a Drink

"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the wine I drink I feel shame. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes and dreams .. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy.

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra.

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin,of Cheers.
One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the BuffaloTheory to his buddy Norm. Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

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The Accident

A woman and a man were involved in a car accident on the highway. Both the cars were totally demolished. Remarkably though, neither of them were hurt.

After crawling out of their cars, the women says:
"So, you're a man...that's interesting. I'm a woman. Oh My God, look at our cars, there's nothing left of them. This must be some sign from God that we should meet, be friends and live together the rest of our days."

Flattered by the suggestion, the man replied: "Indeed, I totally agree with you!".
"This really must be a sign from God," the woman continued, "because look at this - this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She then hands the bottle to the man. He nods in total agreement, opens it and takes a huge swig of the bottle, drinking nearly half of it in one go before handing it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren’t you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I’ll just wait for the police."

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