Do you know who am I

One guy was selected as a Trainee Clerk to a private company.
On his first day of work, in the afternoon he thought of ordering one coffee for himself. He called the pantry extension and said, "Please send one coffee."
The person from the other end: "What?"
Clerk: "Send me one coffee immediately."
The person from the other end: "Idiot, do you have any idea where you have dialled the number?"
Clerk, hesistating a little: "Pantry, of course."
The person from the other end fuming now said angrily: "This extension is for the managing director of the company and I am the Managing Dirctor."

After a few seconds the clerk said loudly, "And do you know who I am?"
Managing director" No..."
Clerk, "Thank God!"

and he kept the phone.

The Accident

A woman and a man were involved in a car accident on the highway. Both the cars were totally demolished. Remarkably though, neither of them were hurt.

After crawling out of their cars, the women says:
"So, you're a man...that's interesting. I'm a woman. Oh My God, look at our cars, there's nothing left of them. This must be some sign from God that we should meet, be friends and live together the rest of our days."

Flattered by the suggestion, the man replied: "Indeed, I totally agree with you!".
"This really must be a sign from God," the woman continued, "because look at this - this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

She then hands the bottle to the man. He nods in total agreement, opens it and takes a huge swig of the bottle, drinking nearly half of it in one go before handing it back to the woman.
The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren’t you having any?"
The woman replies, "No. I think I’ll just wait for the police."

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Whose Side You Are On

At a party, the host lady was in tension. Number of guests were much higher than what she had expected. She informed her husband that the food is not sufficient for all the guests.

The couple noticed that a big chunk of guests were not invited. The couple even didnt know them.

After sometime, the husband went to stage, and announced, "Everyone please seat down. I have an announcement to make. First, those from bride's side, please stand up.". Some 20-25 persons stood up.

Then he said, "Now those from groom's side, plesase stand up.". Another block of almost same number stood up.

The husband then said, "Those who are standing please leave, this is a birthday party."

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First to Know

The scene is sometime in the old era when cockpits had round dials plus flight engineers and navigators. The crusty old-timer captain is breaking in a brand new navigator.

The captain opens his briefcase, pulls out a .38 and rests it on the glare panel. He asks the navigator, "Know what this is for?"
"No, sir," replies the newbie.
"I use it on navigators that get us lost," explains the captain, winking at his first officer.

The navigator then opens his briefcase, pulls out a .45 an sets it on his chart table.
"What's THAT for?" queries the surprised captain.
"Well, sir," replies the navigator, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

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Do Not Underestimate

There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons.
After some careful thought, he came with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.

He made up a sign and posted it on the field. The next day, kids showed up and saw the sign whichread :
”Warning! One of the watermelon in this field has been injected with cyanide”.

Kids ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the farmer’s sign.
When the farmer returned, he surveyed the field. He noticed that no watermelons are missing, but the sign next to his read

“Now there are two”.

Do not underestimate your opponent; it’s not just important to be smart to get rid of an opponent, but we should also be able to predict and foresee the other side’s smartness.

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